Walkers Report #958 – No Satisfaction, Pilchard and the Belle Epoque!

Hares: No Satisfaction And Pilchard

Run report  958 a walker’s  view

the version with pictures is Here

‘Where do you go to my Lovelies?’ asks Peter Sarstedt.

Well it depends on your SatNav- mine took me round in a couple of circles before arriving  at the designated meeting point in Juan les Pins. Undoubtedly the what3words   realness.difficult.atoning was  the appropriate reference if you were trying to find a parking space.

Trying to find  a good  what3 words square is always interesting- would  overheating. sweat.conditioning  nearby  have been  off putting? Or silliness.descriptions.longish  been  accurate?

We set off down avenue Notre Dame, a road lined on both sides by huge old olive trees- was this once an olive orchard? But then  I couldn’t remember whether I had locked my car  so I set off back to check. Of course it was locked;  so now I had to catch up, hoping that  it would be easy to follow the trail and catch the group.

There is a public WC  at the edge of the Pinede, which is a useful thing to remember, so I took advantage of this and on coming out I met Fairy Plunger. He  was looking lost and had been late  for the start due to a drive up to Tourrettes sur Loup to search for his  phone which it turned out he  had dropped inside his vehicle. So we both had to look for the trail as by now the walkers group must be miles ahead. Arrows pointed down to the path along the sea edge. We went through a very nice  restaurant; I bet it was a bit too close to the water’s edge when the wind got up  at lunchtime.Then further along the path there were sun worshippers  getting  top-ups to their tanned bodies. Now it is questionable whether you should look towards  them- will they be the beautiful female bodies and the handsome Adonises? or will they be  tubs of lard lounging like overweight seals.  Best not to stare. Chalk marks and flour  were easy to follow until we got to  the boatyard where the trail could not be seen; but then we got back to the road and I noticed an arrow up the Chemin du Crouton.

Markings here were easy to follow. Although we were passing  many  expensive villas  there is little visible of what must be behind the walls. Only a villa called Mistinguett   had a very fancy gateway- no plaque on the road to say that Mistinguett lived here- she was apparently a famous music hall dancer known for her legs- she must have revealed a couple of inches above her ankles  and driven men mad. One of the most famous villas on the Cap D’Antibes was the Villa America owned by Gerald and Sara Murphy in the Twenties but the villa itself was  rather unprepossessing- fame came from the parties and the guests who came.

‘To The Lighthouse’ is almost the motto of a hash set by No Satisfaction. Fairy Plunger didn’t think we were anywhere near the lighthouse, but there it was ahead of us. The way up  was to follow the Chemin du Calvaire , a rocky penitential path leading up to the chapel of the Garoupe. In July each year there is a procession  bearing a statue from the cathedral in the old town of Antibes to the chapel so the last bit up the hill must be difficult  as the path would not pass any health and safety regulations.. As Fairy Plunger and I got there, hoping for the beerstop, the walkers group was  preparing to leave as there had just  had a shopping break at all the stalls around the Chapel. No Satisfaction said that the beerstop was   just down the hill. So we continued down and soon we were at the main road  by the beach. The road is Boulevard du Bacon but I have no idea  whether the road is named after Francis Bacon, ( a 13th century philosopher and Franciscan friar), Roger Bacon ( a philosopher and adviser to Elizabth I and James I ) or Francis Bacon ( a recent painter known for  particularly tortuous portraits of popes). None of these I suspect.  There is a Restaurant de Bacon which you would hope  specialises in bacon sandwiches for all the walkers and joggers going round the Cap, but I don’t think you could get a BLT there. The recent trip advisor comments are not very favourable.

More to the point was the beer stop on the other side of the wall from the road. Farty Bum had not been warned to supply bacon flavoured crisps but the beer and crisps and chocolate! were most welcome. It was a delightful spot  with views to the old town of Antibes and the baie des Anges, with great views of a sailing regatta where the boats were heeling over beautifully in the offshore wind which had developed.

After the beerstop photos we started back. I thought I was following  the group but apparently not- I was the only walker to do the trail back which went through a path through the woods after a couple of tricky paths. No Satisfaction had devised a shortcut for the walkers group who were all back at the start by the time I got there.

RUN Report #955 – Sadist, Pilchard and the Alien Invasion of Vence!

Hares: Sadist And Pilchard

Starting in the depths of the forests of Vence, outside a cemetery, our rather small group gathered for another sizzling Hash run/walk.

Our hares, Sadist guiding the walkers and Pilchard attempting to guide the walkers set out on a twisty falsie filled event. 

Under the careful scrutiny of the pompiers, we set off into the tinderbox of the forest.

Smelly Poo immediately showed her form and left all the other runners in her dust. As we encountered a tricky check with numerous possibilities a gracious Pilchard subtly indicated the correct direction, or we would have been there for an hour or so looking for the trail. On on and and away to the next check. Buns, headstrong, assumed incorrectly a lazy falsie, and Pilchard was again enlisted to shepard her back to the pack. Eventually the runners and walkers briefly met up and then we staggered uphill out of the shade of the forest, into the shimmering heat of city roads. 

Here we were stunned by and alien space ship, but no worries, we all ran so fast the none of us were probed!

The Aline craft was spotted, despite its camouflage

After that terrifying encounter off we went on a perpetual uphill until we realised we weren’t on trail. A mystifying semi covered blob of flour sent us up and up until we realised we were running blind. After consulting with Pilchard, we finally encountered the real trail and we chugging along until we encountered the great pumpkin patch

A pod that will be a human clone was growing near the ship.

As there was no sign of Charlie Brown or Linus, off we trudged under the glowering Baou of Vence. Here we sighted a Mansion perfectly situated to make us all feel inadequate. Oh well, we should, as Hashers, be used to this feeling.

The Alien base, disguised as a luxury mansion.

We finally encountered the walkers again, and soon saw the blessed oasis of the beer check. Situated on a busy roundabout with Giraffes overlooking the puzzled drivers, we greedily poured the beers down our parched throats. Pilchard was so out of it he mistakenly guzzled a non-alcoholic beer, and produced some disgusting sound to indicate his disgust. 

The walkers and runners, now nourished, proceed on their way with slightly changed numbers as Buns faded into a walker.

A nice ramble back into the woods finally led us back past the vigilant pompiers, where we circled up and assessed the run/walk

The Aliens who have taken over the bodies of Hashers

I can’t remember all the down downs, but it seem to me that Buns had apparently committed numerous infractions.

We finally brought out chairs and meals and enjoyed a picnic. Pre-stressed kindly brought along some shrimp salad to share (as well and the always appreciated gin and tonics)

Iron Lady also brought a couple or desserts for all to enjoy.

Another successful hash cums to and end!

RUN Report #949 – The first Virtual Beerstop?

Hares: Cumalot/Heavy Pants. And Pilchard!

RUN Report #949

Cumalot had convoked us to a COVID compliant hash  starting in the St Philippe casino carpark at what3words  primary.shelf.waffled – we could have been a couple of metres away at screeches.tomcat.warblers which might have been more interesting. It was a huge carpark where I found Philippe looking lonely but he said it was the right place. Eventually  we were joined by others returning from positioning the beer car. A cold overcast  morning (but of course it never rains on the hash), we were 9 and so complied with the 10 person group limit- we waited a bit for Buns who had registered  but had not arrived  in  time  and then  decided to start, leaving the hares  to lay extra flour for her to follow  in case she turned up.

It looks nothing like him!

The runners set off- 2 hares and Supermarket Trolley. The rest of us walkers went with Cumalot   onto the bus/tram road. The French postmodernist thinkers in the administration have declared the new bus/tram to be a tram, so it’s a tram, but in fact it is just a bus. Has anyone used it? Does it have any features of a tram such a bells and musical jungles? Well we didn’t see it although Cumalot said there was a frequent service.

After 5 minutes FartyBum announced that she would not be getting Shit of the Week this time – then  decided to check if she had the keys for the beer car- she searched through her bag a couple of times then remembered she had left them in her other bag which she had left in Supermarket Trolley’s car. No point in going back as SMT would be miles away  on the runners’ trail-so we just went on knowing there would be no beer  and that the runners wouldn’t know that.

This is where Farty Bum was 10 mins into the Walk

The terrain was very up and down taking us to a stream which must join up with La Brague and here was a tricky set of stepping stones helped by an old pallet in the middle of the stream- I think we all managed to cross without incident. The rain was holding off and the tracks were not too muddy but  potentially dodgy  on the slippery paths with rocky traps and  nasty drops on the side.

Soon we reached the beercar- but no key/no beer. There is supposed to be a spare key hidden somewhere, but FartyBum didn’t remember where (we have had this problem before – we must ask Mad Max to show someone where it is). So we just waited for the runners to arrive- quite a long time- Cumalot said the walkers went too fast and that the runners had a long trail 7.7km checking out all the falsies as the hares couldn’t remember what the correct trail was.

A good meme is worth repeating

Of course there were stories about placing the beer car. The marked parking places had been  full  so FB had decided to park on the grass; however, due to the mud, the wheels just spun around-FB couldn’t cope so Pilchard had volunteered to take over the driving and find a better place  and in order to  manoeuvre asked  FB  where was reverse on the gear stick- FB said she didn’t know whether it was up or down, in or out  or push or pull. Pilchard using  tank driving experience managed to move the car to a better position.

Its good to have Pilchard back!

Back at the start the beers soon arrived as well as crisps and peanuts Cumalot was offering doughnuts. A short circle was  held.

After the beerstop the journey home was announced as being fairly short. SMT and FartyBum set off early to  rescue the car keys and the beercar. The rest of us strolled back past a housing development with the appalling name of….


Down downs for

The hares– Cumalot, Heavy Pants and Pilchard (now the perpetual co-hare)

Farty Bum– for forgetting how to drive in reverse.

Philippe in honour of the start at St Philippe

Heavy Pants for  forgetting where the right trail was at the check

Pilchard– for fouling the trail

Shit of the week nominations for- Prestressed ( Heavy Pants as stand-in) for proposing Cumalot as Hare and not turning up

And we voted for FartyBum for the obvious offence.

Due to COVID the weather wasn’t right for continuing with a picnic so we went home to meet up later in the day on a Zoom hash.


The Scribe

After not being able to go to the bar for 6 month, home entertaining has become popular