Wa*kers Report: Hash 911, July 28th, 2019

Run no; 911 IRON LADY’S AMAZING UTELLE MOUNTAIN RUN  

Hare: Iron Lady

Location; Utelle, still over the hills and far away….

“Welcome to run nine / eleven,” said the hare, startling the assembled hashers.

Nine / eleven??  Did Iron Lady realize what she was saying? 

It sounded kind of unlucky – disastrous even.

Or what if she had called it run “nine /one /one”?  That too has associations of disaster.

Too many bad omens.  We believe that hash # 911 was jinxed. 

After weeks of stifling heat, a gigantic rainstorm the day before the run brought the temperatures down, much to the relief of the hashers.  When we set out early on Sunday morning, it was still raining lightly.

First we took the route de Digne.  Then we turned onto the route de Roquebilière, which went along a beautiful gorge but was quite narrow, with tunnels and some rather scary cliffs.

Then we turned onto the road up to Utelle.  This road was narrower still, and consisted of miles and miles of hairpin bends.  We went up and up and up. 

Finally we arrived at Utelle.  All around us were mountain peaks.  The beer-meister, Farty Bum, was a little worried about the next section – up to the beerstop.  Surely the road would be even more twisty and narrow.

Iron Lady informed Farty Bum that she would not have to take the beer car up to the beer stop before the run, as is usually done, because the trail was so steep and long that only the runners were going to go up it.  The walkers would be driven to the beer stop (up at La Madonne de la Utelle) and then, after the beer, they would get to walk back down to Utelle. 

Now there were only seven hashers present at this run – three runners and four walkers – but there were a lot of complications.  Iron Lady informed us that three vehicles would be required to get the beer and the four walkers up to La Madonne.

Because Farty Bum did not have the usual large green beer car, but only the small grey one, her back seat was piled up with extra cartons of beer and water, plus the chips and some jackets.  So she would only be able to transport one walker – in the front seat.  Therefore, Iron Lady would have to drive her car up too, in order transport the other walker.  And Padre would also have to drive up because his car had the gin.

This meant that only two people (the other two runners) would actually go up the trail.

It also meant that only the same two runners (Supermarket Trolley and Wetpatch, that is) would go down the trail, plus only two of the walkers (Sadist and Duchess), because the three that drove their cars up (Farty Bum, Iron Lady and Padre) would have to drive them back down again.  

(Unless Padre allowed one of the other runners to drive his car down so that he could get a turn at the trail.  But Padre doesn’t like other people driving his car because it’s “temperamental”.) 

(But at least his new car is not British this time, so has the steering wheel on the correct side, thereby reducing the risk of it being driven over a cliff if someone unfamiliar with it, such as Supermarket Trolley or Wetpatch (or Padre) should happen to be driving it.)

(And there were other complications, but I’m not putting them all in) (Boo! that story was just getting going – ed)

Something didn’t seem to be quite right.

Farty Bum suggested that it might make more sense to remove the excess beer and water from the back seat of her car (since there were only seven hashers, we wouldn’t need the forty surplus beers and eighteen extra bottles of water anyway), and store them in Iron Lady’s car, thus allowing the four walkers to go up together in one car.     And we could save the gin for the circle so that nobody would get tipsy before the run and walk off a cliff on the way up.  And Padre would be freed up to run the trail.

This proposal made sense, so the excess beer and water were transferred to Iron Lady’s car. 

If that made sense to you please explain this speech too

We then crossed the road and Iron Lady sent the three runners up the runners’ trail, which started there (across from the mulberry tree), telling them to be sure to follow the signs for La Madonne de la Utelle (which would be yellow, I believe).

The sun was now shining, by the way.  The rain was over and gone.

Then the four walkers got into the beer car and drove up by the road.  It was an awful long way.  We wondered how the runners could possibly cover the distance in under a week.  But of course, their trail was more direct since it didn’t have all the hairpin bends in it.

About three-quarters of the way up we stopped, and Sadist and Duchess got out to walk the final bit to the top.  Iron lady and Farty Bum continued up by car, and they had barely parked in the La Madonne de la Utelle parking lot when Sadist arrived.   He had followed the runner’s trail overland, which shows that the runner’s trail (cutting across the hairpin bends) was indeed much more direct than the road. 

Duchess arrived about twenty minutes later, having come up by the road.  He was in a glorious mood, overcome by the beauty of the scenery and the purity of the air. 

(The air certainly was pure and lovely up there.)

At 12 o’clock Iron Lady said that the runners would be arriving very soon now.  We sat there enjoying the sunshine, drinking beer, eating chips, and chatting about Darth Vador and how Iron Lady’s husband cheats at crossword puzzles.  And expecting the runners at any moment.

But the runners failed to arrive.

Iron Lady said she had instructed them so carefully that she had not even translated “Madonne” to “Madonna”, in case they should seek the wrong sign.

After about an hour (towards one o’clock), Iron Lady’s phone rang and it was Supermarket Trolley, calling to say the runners seemed to be lost.  They had climbed the wrong mountain !!  They were way up on a peak on the other side of the valley. 

It seems they hadn’t been paying attention and had followed the red trail markers….

Thanks to Wetpatch’s telescope, they could see La Madonne de la Utelle far below on the right, and it looked so far away that they didn’t want to try coming over.  They said they would just go back down to Utelle.

The walkers quickly jumped into the beer car and started down, knowing that the runners would be in dire need of a drink by the time they arrived back at the bottom.  Where the trees started, Sadist and Duchess got out to walk – I forget how many kilometers this means they walked.

Back down in Utelle, FB and Iron Lady picked and ate a lot of mulberries from the mulberry tree, staining their hands deeply red.  FB sent a message to Contessa (who was dog-sitting in Peyminade) telling her the exciting news about the lost runners.  Sadist and Duchess arrived back from their long trek down the road, glowing with health.  Iron Lady walked up the first part of the trail several times to see if the runners were in sight yet, but they weren’t.   We ate more chips and drank more beer.  We waited and waited and waited.

Suddenly, about two o’clock, Wetpatch came bursting out of the bush and raced full speed to the beer car, looking cool and fresh.  We gave her a bottle of water and she gulped it down, then jogged off to the car to change her t-shirt ( was this the “beauty of the scenery” Duchess was talking about – ed?)

Five or ten minutes later Padre and Supermarket Trolley came staggering from the trail and we poured water down their throats and over their heads.  They soon recovered.

None of the runners were annoyed.  They raved about the beautiful sights they had seen and the wonderful air they had breathed and the glorious time they had had.   But they did say it was lucky Prestressed wasn’t with them, as he would have been angry about missing the beer stop.

I won’t tell you about the circle because Padre already has.  But he forgot to say that Farty Bum was awarded a “Get Out of Jail” free card to use next time she gets voted shit of the week — officially signed by Padre, Sadist and Supermarket Trolley (but not the GM or the RA…. ) And maybe Wetpatch should have got a down-down for that bit of competitive running she did at the end of the trail.

The restaurant was good, although there were a few flies and wasps buzzing around.  We saw one wasp carry off a piece of chicken as big as himself from Supermarket Trolley’s plate.

So that’s the story of “run nine / eleven”.  We realize now – too late – that we should have skipped the number 911 altogether and gone directly from run # 910 to run # 912.  That would have averted the disaster of going up the wrong mountain, but would we have had as much fun ???

Thank-you, Iron Lady, for having the gumption to go all the way up to Utelle to prepare a trail for us.  It was a very enjoyable and memorable hash !

R*nners Report: Hash 911, July 28th, 2019

Run no; 911 (Although not in the same league this was a bit of a 9/11 also.)

Hare: Iron Lady

Location; Utelle, over the hills and far away….

(If you are interested in what cultural delights you missed. http://www.vesubian.com/utelle/madone-utelle.htm, Ed.)

Scribe; Clair Voyant(Where was she when we needed her, Ed.)

What follows was supposed to be a run report. However, if you were watching the Tour de France, which was taking place on the other side of the hill the previous day,you will have observed the race being stopped by a large dumping of solid rain, followed by a landslide across the road. Although not racing, our route was curtailed by the Direction.

Therefore, as Spock would say, “It’s life Jim but not as we know it .”

 And Iron Lady, “It is a Hash but not as we know it.”

Read on all will be revealed.

On our side of the hill we had huge electrical storms, boocoorain and impressive flashes of lightning, most of Saturday and into Sunday morning.

It was still raining as I left the coast to drive North, up into the hills behind Nice.

As I approach our start point ,Utelle,  I drove past Duranus. Now, I know my French is not good, but I do know “Dur,” means hard and I suspect you all know what Anus means.Ohps, I hope that is not a portent of impending trail conditions.

Up the Vesubie valley and turn violently uphill, to the village, into the car park to be met by the total pack for the day.

For those of you who saw the film we were,  “The Magnificent Seven.” 

For us up there it was more of a case of Enid Blyton’s, Secret Seven.

I expect by now you will have seen Wet Patch’s photographic recording of events so what follows is my version.(Get on with it, Ed.)

The Hills are Alive with the Sound of Music, Julie Andrews. The hills are alive with the sound of expletives, Padre, Wet Patch and Supermarket Trolley.

I was informed they were not swear words. They were sentence enhancers.

As Iron attracts lightning, Iron Lady said she was not going to risk pre-setting the trail whilst a storm and a lightning display which put the Cannes.

Firework display to shame was raging, she therefore waited until we arrived to give us directions to the beer stop.Suffice to say there was a slight, (Slight?) misunderstanding in the translation.

The village is at 800 metres.

We start off going up.

Choice of trails……misunderstanding, wrong choice, next junction 950 m, another choice which by now did not matter as we were playing Russian Roulette with six bullets in the chamber. 

Signpost for 1,220m….

up to the next one at 1604 m, 

Photoshopped! – ed

(Now will you believe we were actually there?)

still no sign of, “The Madonna with the Big Boobies.”

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-bristol-46397261

‘Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies’ from ‘Allo ‘Allo

O.K. we give in. We were nearly at the top of this when we surrendered.

A phone call to the Hare establishes we are on the wrong summit, on the other side of the valley to the beer stop.


A quick run back down to the start point for a beer then and give the Beer Stop a miss.

It is surprising how long it takes to run down the side of a mountain for an 800m vertical descent.Also, no time to look around.


Circle

An announcement of the sad, early departure, to the Great Circle in the Sky, of Darth Vader with a moment of quiet introspection and reflection. 

Farewell Darth Vader

And Down Downs were earned by ;

Hare; Iron Lady

No Mug and adding to the planets destruction;

The Duchess of Cambridge, Sadist, and Iron Lady.

Missing the trail; Wet Patch, Super Market Trolley, and Padre.

Extra devotion to duty as Beer Master; Farty Bum.

Shit of the Week award…….. two nominations, Sadist and The Duchess, as they were the only two to follow the correct trail, even if it was only the Walker’s markings.

As we were not there we gave them both a chance to nominate a candidate.

The Duchess nominated Sadist as he had not been awarded the honour for some time.

Sadist nominated The Duchess for a “Terminological Inexactitude”.

He had accused him of not having won it for some time, but as Sadist pointed out he did in fact win it at the last Hash. 

Therefore the proud winner of this prestigious award was The Duchess of Cambridge.

Is Duchess on the throne?

As my tracker informed me we had moved nearly 13 kms. and calories burnt were in excess of 3000, it was straight into the restaurant to replace most of them with;

Courgette flowers in batter as a starter, which everyone chose.

The Chicken dish with Girolles and Roast Potatoes. Again chosen by everyone.

And to finish a mixture of home made yummy desserts, that is except the Ice Cream choice.


I feel sorry for all the Vegans in a situation like this……..Eat Sprouted and Fermented Plants , Drink Plant Milks and Yogurts, and be Merry for tomorrow we die.

And sorry to inform you Pilchard, “Forbidden Flesh Weekly,” is a  vegetarian magazine. And their new perverts web site; “Quorn Hub.”

Quick Quiz!

Who said; “It is bad enough the Grandchildren being French?

And then, who said, when informing her husband she was going to a Funeral on Monday, he said,

“Don’t you have to be dead for that?”

R*nners Report: Hash 910, July 14th, 2019

Run no; 910

Hares Sadist and Levrette,

Location; Parc du Souvenir, near Vence

Scribe; Ken U. Beeleevit and Karen Kareless.

I have been tasked with making up a run report and so what follows is what I think may have happened. Also, the biggest lie I always tell myself is, “I do not need to write that down. I will remember it all.” 

The difference between Genius and stupidity is that Genius has its limits.

Albert Einstein

The difference between a Genius and a Hasher is their ability to follow a trail.(Well at least to the beer)

Sadist

Let us see if the Geniuses can follow our trail.

Levrette

More later….

Is that Levrette live Hare-ing?

As the meeting place car park is approached I notice a smattering of Hashers already gathered. This had me wondering if there was only one, would it be a smatter?

As the start time approaches more and more Hashers drift, slowly, into the car park.

Was this due reverence because it being the car park for the Cemetery I wondered.I was also thinking it was good forward planning by the Hares as any fatalities on the trail could just be propped up against the gate to wait until the Monday morning, when the day shift arrives for work.

Have you ever wondered why they build a high wall around a cemetery because of all the films I have ever seen it never, ever, stops the risen from the dead Monster, or Ghouls from getting out. As if a small wall could stop them?

If you believe in life after death, how do you know you are not dead?

(get on with it, this isn’t philosophy 101! – ed)

We were warmly greeted by our tame, newly made French person, Levrette, handing out an assortment  of French type stuff to wear.


No, I do not mean a string of Onions, or Letters,…………………. 

Reminds me of a Canadian shopping experience I once encounter as I overheard it, in the Calgary pharmacy,the following conversation……….

Cowboy; “Give me three packets of Condoms, please.”

Cashier;”Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?”

Cowboy; “Nah, She’s fairly good looking…..”

……….but she was brandishing a collection of Tri coloured glitter wigs, red, white, and blue garlands, and for some strange reason Sailors Hats.

Those poor Sailors never knew what hit them. They are probably still trying to recover in the back alleys in the port of Toulon.

Really adopting the culture.

There will be a guillotine for the Shit of the Week next.

Talking of hats did you know that it is physically impossible to try on a Fez without doing a Tommy Cooper impersonation.

(Photo since nobody under 50 will know what you are talking about – ed)

Sadist started proceedings by giving a description of the markings for the benefit of the visitor from New York, plus Ball Baring’s virgin, Fred, and the permanently bewildered.,This consisted of  telling all, running, or walking, to following the flour until a circle was reached, then continue until a cross was reach and then return to the circle.

Continue in this fashion until the beer stop was found. Oh, and something about a back check, whatever that was.

Introductions, instructions and preliminaries over we commence with an eager Padre already half way out of the car park, power walking his way to the start of the trail underneath the cool arbour of the forest canopy high above.Levrette was jogging trying to keep up when she noticed Padre returning as he figured, sneaky Sadist had us impatiently going the wrong way due to the keenness of the runners to get moving and were following each other like headless chickens instead of the Trail.

Obey the manta……..”Follow the flour not the person in front.”

It did not take too long for Modesty and his two rug rats to catch up and take the lead.

Competitive running from Jonathan aged 10 and Sophie aged 8 two, very enthusiastic, Front Running Bastardettes. (F.R.B.’s)Dad did not seem in the least bit worried about leaving them behind. Being a scientist he was probably thinking of natural selection.


Being such a tender age I wondered how long they would be able to keep that speed going.

Much longer than most and for much longer than I ever thought possible.

I think they were a little worried about being left behind in the woods.

I know I was.

F.R.B’s with Ladies Walking Brigade, (L.W.B.) following closely on behind with Farty Bum and Martyn way behind.The first few checks safely negotiated we find ourselves running (Running?  Ed.) down the fall line. A neatly cut, clear line, down through the trees and undergrowthand intersperse with manhole covers. Although I believe the permanently offended, snowflakes and Berkeley’s City Council, now insist we call them person covers. 

https://edition.cnn.com/2019/07/18/us/berkeley-gendered-language-ban-trnd/index.html

Modesty will be pleased as he returns to this wonderful area in the land of Fruits and Nuts after his brief sojourn to normality with us here.

Talking of which, all those spiders…. does anyone know if the Arachnophobia Support Group has a website? And see how long this one takes you…………….

What were we running over? At the bottom of the hill all became clear, or should I say a muddy brown colour and for the colour blind, a strong whiff.It would appear the main sewer pipe had sprung a leak.

Sadist wouldn’t would he?

He is getting soft in his old age and had locate a “little, pig run,” through the undergrowth at right angles to the trail, just before the expletives. This led us directly up, and some more up, and then some more, to the welcomed relief of a tarmac road and any expletives which were redundant at the bottom of this slope were all used up.

Nothing wasted there, Sadist.

Remarkably we were all, more or less, together as we had deep breathing exercises at the top.

Drunksophilia our visitor from New York was, understandably, finding our normal running terrain a little challenging, but was pleased to see that a few of the support riders  from the Tour de France had managed to find time to detour and escort him back to the Peloton.

Just what we need now, a quick stretch of the legs with some road work and then back into the woods for some more up..Modesty, still out in front but his children, not surprisingly, are beginning to slow, thus allowing the older members the joy of reaching the next checkalmost all together. 

Then the cunning piece of work by the Hare disguising the “V ,” for a view stop, by extending the arms, to make it look like a cross.

(Yes, just like a cross -Bull-shit, Bull-shit, smells like bullshit to me ;Ed)

We all retrace our steps to be greeted by a grinning Hare walking towards us, congratulating us, saying for us to go back and continue but past the,”V .”

Some were suggesting a Shit of the Week nomination for somebody. Either Levrette or Padre..Who will win when we vote in the circle? There was even talk of a second referendum to ensure the correct decision was reached.


We just need Noel Edmonds to sort it all out…… Deal or no deal.


pfwaw, poufaw puffpuff, wiff WiFi waff, millions of pounds, guff giff gaff poufaw wishy wish washy Corbyn, hisss fafaf falafel fun, Yours ever…

Boris

From this point on followed a series of Bluffs from the Hare as we all knew we had to go up to the road to reach the car at the beer stop.

So we all took it in turns to go up Levrettes Falsies. Cumalot, Prestresses, Modesty, Prestressed and Padre all fell for the bait, I do not know how Elizabeth N.N. avoided all these,until on the “nth,” attempt we found what we were looking for, the B.N. sign with the relief the refreshment car was near.

A quickish Beer Stop with all the usual goodies on offer and we are off again.

 Nothing much to report on the second part except getting going again after the stop was difficult but somehow we all managed it.

However, Sophie impressed us all with her acting skills as she suddenly developed a pronounced limp.

Worth an Oscar nomination for best supporting actor. (And before the pendants revolt, actor is the generic term for both Male or Female. Ed.)

We all became a little strung out, in the physical sense not the mental, as we progress until we reached a fork in the road with no idea of where the trailwent until we found an arrow tucked around the corner pointing up. Strange we all thought, for by now we were all back together again due to the “Lost,”trail markings.

And from here a gentle run in to the end to be greeted, a short time later, by Levrette demanding to know why we had finished Sadist’s Trail so quickly.

She was brandishing her numerous pages of notes as she interrogated us one by one wanting to know why we had not run pages four and five.

As she said, “You Geniuses can not even follow a trail.”

It was gently pointed out that as we were all back at the start we must have done something right.

So just to cheer her up, I know she does not like all the packaging so prevalent on today’s products………………………………….

Then the circle with a special rendition of the French National Anthem, Hash style, followed by the awards; 

Hares; Sadist and Levrette. With a mention in dispatches to Sadist for devotion to duty after his little episode of “Rock Diving.” and impersonation of the Black Knight in Monty Python.

Never mind all the blood it is only a scratch

No Mug; Mad Max

Returners; Modesty, Jonathan, Sophie and Daniel

Visiting Hasher; all the way from New York, Drunksophlia

Misleading Marks (?) Prestessed and Padre

Attending “Hooray Henley,” event as representatives of the Riviera HHH

Virgin; Fred

Shit of the Week; Nominations are……

Modesty for his Scatological photography. He said it was all done in the best possible taste with his artistic photograph of a dog turd in the centre of the check circle.(Not sure he should have the full credit for this as one of the Hares had carefully placed the flour around the offending package. 

Sadist or Levtette, that is the question. Ed.

Sadist; Trampling all over the French Flag.

And the winner was???????????

Then all off to the nearby campsite for lunch.

Goat cheese salad to start, followed by Fish with rice, almost biblical as they managed to feed 16 of us with what seemed like five fish,

And what do you call a Fish with, “No Eyes.”

Answer, A Fsh.

(Do not know what happened to the meat option, as I figure it is almost a statistical impossibility for all 16 of us to choose fish option. Ed.)

I think somebody jumped up and down because magically a large dish of extra fish and some rice suddenly appeared And dessert of Fruit Tart and Cream

At least the conversation and clothes swapping helped to take our mind off what was placed in front of us.

Prestressed started it all off with the waitress wearing his hat, and he hers, It went downhill from there.

Do not worry as all the incriminating photographs are in a safe place, at least until they are required.

Like this one – Ed

Padre said he wanted to rip her knickers off as the elastic was cutting into him.

And Bigamy was explained as, “Having one wife too many.” Somebody said it was the same a being married to just one.

Cumalot got into a deep conversation regarding house work with Levrette and my Mother’s favourite poem might hel them to come to some agreement over the issue.

This may help……….

Dust if you must, but wouldn’t it be better
To paint a picture, or write a letter,
Bake a cake, or plant a seed;
Ponder the difference between want and need?

Dust if you must, but there’s not much time,
With rivers to swim, and mountains to climb;
Music to hear, and books to read;
Friends to cherish, and life to lead.

Dust if you must, but the world’s out there
With the sun in your eyes, and the wind in your hair;
A flutter of snow, a shower of rain,
This day will not come around again.

Dust if you must, but bear in mind,
Old age will come and it’s not kind.
And when you go (and go you must)
You, yourself, will make more dust.

OnOn to the next on in Utelle!

R*n Report: Hash 907, June 2nd, 2019

Location; Antibes

Hares; Contessa and Cumalot.

Scribe; Drew Peacock

You’ll Never Walk Alone and Tits like Coconuts.

See below for an explanation.

Find the car park and walk, or catch the free shuttle bus, to the start about 1.5kms. away.Normally this would be a recipe for disaster but if you give enough monkeys a typewriter eventually one would write some Shakespeare.

Sure enough all the monkeys were at the start, straining at the bit, raring to go.But, I could not even find one to write this drivel and I have been lumbered to do it..

We welcomed two visitors Bare and Whine from the world centre of Home Brewing, Jeddah and his unsuspecting partner who, until this day, did not know about his secret life, Raha from Poitier where they make real wine. 

Both being originally from Lebanon …………

As they informed me, to commemorate the end of Ramadan and Eid Al Fitr,  you can now buy Chicken killed in the traditional Muslim way.

What I want to know is how do you strap a rucksack to a Chicken ?

The hares decided that as we had not Hashed in Antibes for some time they would give us two for the price of one.At least we were warned about it before the off.

Sadist and Padre, both crocked and unable to run, decided they would take their chances on the runners trail, along with Raha who when she saw their finely toned bodies straining at the bit raring to go also figure she would be able to keep up with them even though she originally planned to walk.


Off we go and on time. Wow !

First check and it is obvious we are going along the ramparts towards the lighthouse at the top of the hill for a beer stop.This is where years of experience and over 500 runs with the Riviera HHH come into play………..

Sadist figured it all out and headed off in the right direction, but about 2kms. too early and, therefore, there was no trail to follow.Sadist’s version of the Liverpool F.C. (Champions of Europe) supports club, “You’ll Never Walk Alone.”

Only in this case he did. See his separate report.


As a child I watched The Wizard of Oz and wondered how the Scarecrow could talk without a brain. Then I joined the world wide phenomenon the Hash House Harriers and had it demonstrated on numerous occasions.

A vigorous perambulation, with the pretence of running, around the built up areas of Antibes old town, dodging the meandering tourists and back to the parapet.


WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN’T SHOOT AT THEM?  

Descending the parapet we head along the coast, beside the beach, where the most cerebral of discussions took place.Where have all the topless sunbathers gone? They seem to be an endangered species.

When I first visited France as a young tourist all those years ago the ladies with tops to their Bikinis were the exception. Now it is hard for a Perv. and dirty old man like me to find an subject for my bird watching.

I was told that Tits like coconuts so it may help if I dressed as one.Years of perving have taught me…………………………


Apparently women are now having mini speakers inserted with their breast augmentation as they complain that men men always 

stare at their Tits but never listen to them..

Then it is windy, windy towards the lower slopes of final climb to the Garoupe light house and the much needed re hydration point.

Our dedicated beer master even manage to arrive just in time to prevent us from breaking into her car again with her keys to the dray.

Some of the walkers were feeling pretty chuffed with themselves to have walked all that way up to the high point but I would suggest they do not look at the following or their balloon may become deflated……………………..

https://www.bbc.com/sport/athletics/47507319  (Women’s 50 km walk. Under 4 hrs.)

A much needed re hydration, suck the salt of some peanuts and chips, (Crisps if you speak the Queens English.) and back into the groove.

From the heights the only way is down. Who was it who said I do not mind going down?

The pack running (?) in front of back markers, Raha who by this time was beginning to find the going a little arduous, not a bad effort considering it was her first ever Hash, Padre who just plain knackered, and Bare and Whine who was concerned his partner was being left with the Perv. was just visible in front until they turned a corner and disappeared somewhere into the distance.They knew where they were going……..He He……….

The small, retarded group, used team work and kept together, solving checks and continuing to mark the correct trail.(Why when the others are in front and not helping you. Ed.)

Supermarket Trolley, Prestressed and Buns (?)  Cumalot (?) and some more (?) suddenly appeared from behind and the pack was all back together again. Now you know why Ed.You never know who is behind you………..

He’s behind you.

Oh no he isn’t.

Oh yes he is.

Oh no he’s not.

And so on………..

A complete circumnavigation of the pimple on the Cape d’Antibes and a gently run through the town back to the start.

While we all like long ones, this was Hash was very good value, B.O.G.O F, of you like. Prestressed managed to run (?) 14 km.plus and Bare and Wine nearly 16 kms..

So I make that 2km of shortcutting for Prestressed!

A few energetic souls decided to run to the car park. (This is where the beer and circle will be located.) and the sloths decided to wait for the free shuttle bus.

And before you ask. No ! The Hash is not going to start supplying diet water with reduced calories.



The afters.

Down Downs were awarded to, or earned by……….

The Hares; Contessa and Cumalot,

Visitors; Bare and Whine and Maneater.

Mugless and contributing to the destruction of the planet by generating plastic waste; SuperMarket Trolley, No Grappa, Long and Hard, Smellly Pooh, Maneater.

Canadians; (For some reason or other,) Buns, Sex Club, Farty Bum. 

FartyBum was supposed to sing a song as she is the only one who professes to be able to sing but a severe case of stage fright rendered her speechless. (You had to be there. Ed.)

Previously she had been trying to tell the R.A. how to award D.D.s and run the circle.How she escaped with out a nomination for Shit of the Week I will never know.

Returners; Phillipe N.N., Sex Club, Poke My Hole, Smelly Pooh, No Grappa. (Snow White missed her D.D. as she disappeared before the circle.)

Blocking Prestressed’s Passage; Dire Rear, Marcel Marceau, Long and Hard.

Non Walking Walker; Maneater

Traffic Warden Duty; Sadist(He could have had his Birthday D.D. this hash, or the next, as his birthday in slap bang in the middle between the two.However, he did not want to tempt fate and have it early just in case he did not make it to the actual day.)

Shit of the Week;Nominations……….

Gorgeous Edna; (An inveterate walker) for trying to lead runners astray by shouting he was on trail when standing on a cross.)

Prestressed; for trying to shortcut by running through a cross.Padre; I can not read the notes

And the winner by popular vote…….drum roll……………..

Prestressed and lovingly administered by the Virgin Raha who still did not have a clue what she had let herself in for.

A quick wrap up and dash to reach the restaurant at the allocated time where we treated to some delicious food and three amazing waiters who actually smiled and seemed to enjoy their task of providing for the disparate, disorderly, dysfunctional, slightly intoxicated group.

Superb food and pleasant surroundings.

All that was left was for the hard core to adjourn to The Duke and some of Colgan’s best offerings with the added attraction of being able to watch ayoung, almost virginal, Male England side defeat an experience. gnarled Barbarian Rugby side 51 to 43.

Triffic game !

https://www.bbc.com/sport/rugby-union/48490838

What more could a man, (woman) ask for……………..?


Please excuse my poor spelling but I have dyslexia…..

Wehn they tlod me they had fuond a cure for Dislexsia it was music to my arse.

Not sure abuot ti thoguh !