Run no. 845 – Sadist’s Mountain Picnic

Hare; Sadist
Where; Grollies les Neiges. (less) Guest Scribe; Norma Stitz

Sadist promised an experience never to be forgotten.
I am supposed to write a Run Report and can not remember what happened. (Must have been a good one. Ed.)
All those that can not ski get to do a Blue run, all the food you can eat for the walkers and oyster for the runners.
What more could you ask for ?
A trip to Jerusalem was promised and for those of you not able to make it to the spiritual high I give you the next best thing…………….

Jerusalem?

Paddy & Mick were talking about how they were building a rocket to go to the sun when the interviewer asked them how they were going to manage with the sun’s high temperature. Paddy said that they had thought of that and for that reason were going at night.

Padre was asked how, given the fact that he does not ski, (well not since 1971 ) he was going to come down a Blue Run at the Goollies ski resort, His reply, Easy, I

shall just do it when there is no snow!
A perfect location for Hen Gliding……………………….

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And so it came to pass, a small, but perfectly formed group assembled for the ascent to Mt. Jerusalem. Sadist did not get his name for services to little old ladies. He did have some thoughts for the runners though and arranged for Sherpa to ferry some supplies from Base Camp One. However, two of the mules only made it as far as the … “up,” section and complaining of altitude sickness returned to ground control. (Now I know why they wanted to carry the wine. Ed.)

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They managed a little way up though.

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(Not this far though, Ed.)

Logistics taken care of, Sadist managed to herd the assorted numbers…… walkers and runners, and pointed them to their start position.

The new slim line Cumalot in his all black, ski skin suit, leading the way. Jobsworth said it was an optical illusion as black is renowned for its figure enhancement. Pichard asked if he could borrow it as his Doctor said he had to loose 8kgs.
He said his goal for 2017 was to lose 6kgs. “Only 10 kgs to go”, said some unkind person.

First check and everyone assumed the trail has to go up!

Smelly Poo, Padre and Prestressed, using a combination of cunning, tardiness, and experience hung back until all up points had been covered and then discovered the trail a few meters down beside the new reservoir for the snow guns! First Prize to Sadist on that one.

Paddy asked why didn’t they build the lake on the slope and then we could all go water-skiing during the summer?

The next check brought everybody back together and then it was a push for the summit. Cums Quicker living up to her name and in front with Jobsworth, No Satisfaction and Cumalot in the competitive group. Padre,Smelly Poo, Pilchard and Prestressed in the 2nd relaxed group, admiring the meadows and slopes of colourful Alpine flowers and a backdrop of epic proportions – a ring of snow capped mountains.

 

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Not far now, I heard someone gasp as we reached the summit . Pah! A flat section followed by more up, and so on and so on! It was interesting to see the look on the Alpine Walkers faces as we whizzed by (well some of us whizzing , the others, whizzless, were still faster than the Alpine walkers with all their gear – Ruck Sacks filled with supplies and survival kits, compass, map etc etc and not forgetting their walking poles. Even Cums Quicker had less survival kit than them. A regroup at the summit view point check and as we waited we could see the clouds forming below us in the valley.

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(I wonder if that is why the Alpine Walkers had all the survival gear? Ed.)

The next hill was full of Radio transmitting, receiving, stuff and looked about 3kms away, down the hills and up the other side. (Surely not ? Ed) Trail found and much to our surprise, it looped gently around the hill with only a gentle, short sharp up for the final push to the summit of Mt. Jersulalem. That green and pleasant land with 20% less Oxygen.

The award for the most laboured pun of the day goes to Jobsworth for looking down into the valley saying it was ‘gorge – ous’.

 

See below. It should have been a Shit of the Week nomination at the very least.

The cloud was now upon us and the temperature dropping and we follow suit dropping down to the beer stop on the sheltered side of the slope.
Sadist was getting soft we agreed. It later transpired he was up there Thursday & Friday reconoitering, laying the walkers and runners trails Saturday and doing a sheep dog impression on Sunday. This was when we were informed of the mutiny. Two of the Sherpas went on strike on the lower slopes and refused to carry the supplies up to the highly trained athletes coming down. How were they going to manage without chips (crisps if you are not American) and the much needed salt on the peanuts.? .

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A few at the beer stop. The serious walkers had gone on ahead. (You mean all the piss-heads stayed for a few more beers. Ed)

Beer stop over, and now the fun bit. Down the Blue Ski run we go. Zig Zagging across the fall line or was it Zag Zigging we should have been doing. Padre, Pilchard and Cumalot managed to miss a change in direction as they had definitely missed a Zag.

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Some of the Zaggers.

The rest of us found the longer but much easier route though the trees and not down the slope to the welcome of a few cold beers and lick the salt off the peanuts.

A 5 liter can of Pelforth Blonde Beer made a welcome change for the Down Down ritual except for the altitude making pouring extremely difficult but nothing a steady hand could not overcome, eventually.

The front Patio of the Ski Station restaurant was made ready with their chairs and tables removed from under the canopy, washed down and loaded with a sumptuous meal.

STARTERS MAIN

Oysters and Champagne

Chicken and Rice – made by Undergrowth Terrines and Pates
Smoked Chicken

Meat Loaf with egg in the centre Grilled Peppers

Pasta and Pesto
Quiche
Assorted Olives and Pickles
Spicy Sausages
Assorted salads and Balsamic dressings Bread and Bread Sticks
12 varieties of Cheese

Pear and Almond Tart Mars Bar Crispie Squares

DESERTS

The local Jobsworth then came out from his hole in the ground and started taking down the car registration numbers and for some reason taking extra care and attention with our very own Jobsworth’s car.

DOWN DOWNS Hare – Sadist
Returners – Maneater, Padre and PHD – as someone said ‘ The

Rose between two thorns;
Austrailian Somehting or other – Maneater and Smelly Poo

Facebook Friend Anniversary and Duck Pouts – Jobsworth and Cumalot

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No Mugs – No Satisfaction
Painful Pun – Jobsworth
Dereliction of Sherpa duties – Maneater and Seamen Monster. Can not remember any more. and then……………..

S.O.W. Padre Anybody know why? Or was it just because he

had not received it for a while and Farty Bum was absent?
Due to illegal unlicenced naming ceremony at No Sats party the night before – the real ED!

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(Shurley shome mistake. Ed.)

Run Report Fayence – 7th May 2017

Peter Piper Picked a Peck of Pickled Pepper for Perpetch

Perpetch makes a big thing about his (Zimbabwe) army discipline and his mantra of the 7 Ps about proper planning preventing p*ss poor performance. Well, recite the tongue twister above enough and you will have a better insight into the pesky poop parking planning for the Perpetch Presidential parade.
And if I haven’t lost you yet, I will spell it out more clearly……to start a hash in a municipal car park in Fayence on the day of voting for the Presidential election and the day of a flower market was a test of ingenuity even before the r*n started. To be fair, the hash actually started more or less on time, with hashers parked wherever they could find space between Fayence and Fréjus. Perpetch insists that it was simply a form of special forces intelligence and creativity training, as opposed to a cock up. For you to decide whether to dispute the powers of our illustrious GM.
Anyway, the only hasher who seemed to be time constrained was Wetspot, who also happened to be Perpetch’s co-hare for the day. Wetspot was seen ambling to the start just as the pack of 7 runners set off up the hill, following a big loop back to the start. Cumalot was, as ever, leading at the early stages, whilst visitor Dominik proved that his home hash is in Nepal by not feeling the effect of uphill at all.
Loop over, it was time for traditional Perpetch hash territory – lots of long flat trails with lots of space between checks. This allowed the runners to stretch their legs. Well, it allowed Lonely, Dominik & Cums Kwicker to do so, whilst Pilchard, Jobsworth & Cumalot elected to keep Prestressed company, as he is recovering from a foot injury. It would have been rude to run ahead and leave Prestressed all alone in the sweltering heat.
And so the run wound through vineyards until the runners came across a main road with walkers walking the other way. There was a fiendish check on the road that confused everyone. There was no flour at all, so Prestressed & Cumalot decided to follow the walkers trail. Fortunately, Dominik showed more intelligence than all others combined and kept running down a road with no flour until he found another check. Clearly the hares had forgotten that the occasional blob of flour on the way makes for a good trail……
From here, it was but a short hop to the beer stop by a beautiful vineyard building. Despite being a decent 7km to this point, Lonely & Jobsworth felt a calling from the great God Gisbert and ran off to find Pedo and the beer car key. Off they ran towards the walkers, not expecting to find 4 distressed women who had driven their car into a ditch. Being the good muscular Samaritans they are, the 2 saviours managed to push the car out of the ditch, to the grateful thanks of the occupants, and without stopping to accept thanks they completed their mission by running on to recover the beer car key from Pedo and back to the thirsty runners who were waiting for liquid refreshment.

A long beer stop ensued, followed by a second half that wound along a dried up river bed and back to the start point, which was still full of pesky voters and market bargain hunters.
As for the down downs, the main memory is the terrible geographic knowledge of Gorgeous Edna and Cumalot being totally confused about the fact that the Dalai Lama comes from Tibet and not Nepal. To explain (in a Jobsworthian style), Gorgeous Edna started to make remarks about the Dalai Lama when Dominik mentioned he was from Nepal. Jobsworth was being particularly pedantic and nominated that the politically challenged Gorgeous Edna take a down down for this total misunderstanding, explaining that these are 2 different countries and that the Chinese, who think they own Tibet, get tetchy whenever the Dalai Lama is invited to other countries, which they would not if he were from Nepal.

 

Tibet
Does this map clear it up? Nepal = “The Andrex Trail” of backpackers & mountaineers, attracted by Everest. Tibet = special visas needed to visit, highest railway in the world and Dalai Lama, who is definitely not a threat to the Chinese political machine (except when invited to visit Western heads of state).
Well, glad I got that off my chest.
As ever, I do not remember all down downs so the selective highlights are as follows:

  • Hares Perpetch & Wetspot for a great hash
  • Visitor Dominik
  • Returners Farty Bum & others (apologies, I do not recall who)
  • Gorgeous Edna for being geographically challenged& Jobsworth for confusing everyone with his explanation of the difference between Nepal & Tibet, now thankfully clarified above
  • Lonely & Jobsworth for saving 4 women from a ditch, with special memorial down down to Farty Bum for also driving into a ditch at a hash some 15 years ago
  • CumsKwicker for being confused with Never Cums once again & being given a birthday down down on her behalf
  • And, on that, Shit of the Week could only go to Farty Bum.

Thanks to the hares for a great hash in great weather followed by a great meal.

Onon to the next.